We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
