i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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