He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
