So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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