Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
