I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
