Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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