Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
