Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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