So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Randomize
