An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
