Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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