On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
