you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
