I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
