Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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