I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
