census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
