I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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