Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
