Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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