I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
