Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
