He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
