Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
