There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
