SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
