he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
