well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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