Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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