so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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