We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
