Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Come on in and take your pants off
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