Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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