Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
