i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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