you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
