I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
