so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
