omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
