Small penises have feelings too.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
