I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
