Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
