Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
