we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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