I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize