He felt like a one man threesome
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
