ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
