I wish i was in the wii world.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
