another moral hangover. fuck.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
