I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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