Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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