Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
