guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
