Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
