god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
