white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
