Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize