sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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