Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
