watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
