My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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