no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
