none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
