your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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