omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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